You know what ? This time I told myself “P, try not to be such a Bitch (capital B) and make the effort to find something good in that fucking movie…” I’m not gonna lie, I watched Pickaxe three times. Last time being this morning just before writing this review ! See, I’m full of good intentions, I suggest you enjoy it because it doesn’t happen very often and as far as I know “filmmakers” (quotation mark-ed for obvious reasons), start hating me for it ! I’m pretty sure I will survive it but when it comes to Pickaxe though, I felt for a moment the urgent need to run for my life !
You know my love for the 80s slashers and so many “filmmakers” (yeah… again…) tried to give us the thrill of those magic years. They tried and the failed !
First, let’s talk about what’s going on in Pickaxe !
A group of stupid teens on their way to a concert end up in a cabin for the night of their life. A killer who terrorised the little town a few years back is decided to join the little party…
Sounds familiar ? Well, the comparison stops here ! Because with low budget and low talent comes low responsibilities !
Most of lead actors aren’t actors at all and are way too old to play teens by the way… Special effects are laughable (There isn’t just 2 ways to kill someone and to die for fuck’s sake !!!)
And not that I’m a specialist but I doubt you can cut somebody’s head with a pickaxe, especially when you are not more than 100 pounds and built like a shrimp !
Let’s talk about sex now (I can see you grabbing you boxes of tissues, you little pervs…) : Should I teach those girls how to ride a guy properly because with such an opening scene, if I didn’t have to write a review, they would have lost me in the first 10 minutes…
BUT because there is a butt ( and a lot of tits, not surprising, huh ?), Let’s talk about the light in the darkness, the talent among Amateurism (Capital F like Fuck it !) : Tifanny Shepis ( Tales Of Halloween, Victor Crowley), who offers us a heavily under the influence version of the 2018 Laurie Strode, drowning her traumas into beer and vodka !
I can say I was happily surprised to find one credible character (and even person, let’s face it…) and it lead me to wonder what the fuck she was doing in such a movie ! Because yeah I’m aware it fills the fridge but still…
So again, call me a pain but like many other movies, Pickaxe didn’t succeed in being a movie at all ! it’s just a fucking cliché that will end up buried in the cemetery of all the movies I’ve murdered so far… Not everyone can be Ed Wood, you now.. Think about it when you’ll see Victor..